I sat on my bed. Bible, journal and pen beside me. But rather than reading and writing, my mind was racing.
It had been a season of busier than normal, and here I was finally with more than just a short moment of quiet. Although everything around me was silent. I wasn’t.
I had been here before, even though that had been several years ago it was still etched perfectly in my mind.
The inability to be still.
That day, so long ago, had been a beautiful spring day so I opted for a walk outside and inadvertently stumbled upon a beautiful park. Surrounded by the picturesque scene before me, the fragrance of fresh cut grass in the air I could feel the stress slip away. At last I was able to have a conversation with my Father without all the noise in my head.
That was then. This was now. This time I was at home. It was winter and yes I could still go for a walk outside but the idea didn’t appeal at all. So I simply sat.
“Push through the resistance.”
The words of my mentor echoed through my head. His advice had been when writing my memoir. He had said, resistance would rise but I would have to push through to get to the other side. He had been completely correct. But did the same apply for this?
Everything within me wanted to get up and do something, after all, reading, prayer and journaling isn’t really doing anything is it?
If you ask many people they would say it is a waste of time. But I knew better.
This. This intentional time spent with my Father, listening for His still small voice, digging into the truth found in His Word had prepared me for living through the nightmare of losing my son. It had slowly, over time, transformed unhealthy thoughts and habits.It had changed me. So, why, even though I knew better could I not focus?
“Push through.”
I continued to sit, to simply breathe as worship music softly played in the background.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity my mind quieted, my spirit within rose up and all distractions faded away as I poured my heart out to God. Connection began.
It is a connection that is only understood by others who have experienced it, and impossible to describe to those who haven’t.
It’s available to each and every one of us, but too often, like I almost did, we don’t persist and push through. We give up. We fall for the lie that the immediate around us is more important. Or we are distracted by emails, Facebook, the more tangible things. And we walk around with empty souls, masks of pretend happiness on our faces. We snap at our spouses and children, irritated by the littlest things because we haven’t taken time to nourish our souls, to be filled by the only One who can truly satisfy.
I remember life before this world of constant online chatter. Yearly I go camping with my family to a place of no cell or internet service. And yet, I struggle making stillness a priority, what will it be like for this generation who has known nothing other than 24/7 bombardment with technology?
“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10
That doesn’t sound like a suggestion to me. It sounds more like an imperative.
And yet we (I) run through life like being still is optional. For what? And at the expense of what?
This getting to know God thing has been a long journey, and I will be the first to admit I have a lot more to learn. But one thing I have discovered and know for sure. When God gives a command it’s not to be a stick in the mud, to steal my fun. It’s for my own good.
He knows. He knows the Lori that has spent time in His presence being still is far superior to the Lori that hasn’t. And I know that too—now.
If there was only one thing I could change from my past it would be to have learned this sooner. To have practiced this when my kids were younger. To have given them the gift of the mom who had spent time in the presence of God. The mom who is still far from perfect, but oh so much more patient, loving and kind because my soul isn’t starving.
If I could pass on only one piece of advice to the ones coming up behind me it would be to take time. Take time to learn to be still and know that He is God. Take time to have your soul nourished by the One who created it.
The housework can wait. It will, after all, wait. Unless you have the little cleaning fairies in your house I have always longed for. If so, please send them my way.
It’s not like all that needs to be done won’t get done. In fact, something else I’ve learned is somehow I manage to get more done when I have made time with God a priority. It doesn’t make sense in the world of time management, but another little tidbit….often, God doesn’t make sense.
I can almost hear the excuses and arguments. I’ve made them all myself.
But in the end, when all is said and done what would you (I) prefer–a “perfect” house or a nourished soul and the benefits in life that come with that?
There are 24 hours in a day. Out of those 24 hours isn’t it possible to set aside 10, 15 or 30 minutes for the One who gave us those hours, this life to begin with?
Knowing all this myself I fully admit, I still struggle.
And that, my friend is why I entitled this learning to be still. I too, am still learning. Will you join me on this journey of learning?
